COMIC
ROASTS - Private Parties
What
we’ve said sung about
them…
(To the tune of The
Girl from Ipanema)
Small and
dark and lower northern: the Girl from Castlecove’s off to
Gordon...
And when she’s playing, all the bridge girls are saying is
SHHH!
Every Wednesday, there’s patients queuing they needn’t
wait… there’s nothing doing
The sometime bard’s now playing cards, so SHHH!
SHUSHH! Don’t break her concentration,
‘Cos bridge is her real occupation.
She’s rescheduled all of her patients!
Audiology practice can wait - when your manager is your bridge
mate…
(To Wonderful
Copenhagen)
Wonderful Wonderful
Ronnie Ray, salty old son-of-a-gun
Once he sailed a way, far from Double Bay, But he’s back and
on the run…
Very Hungarian, Rohhhnie Raaay borrows his clothes from his chums
Once they reach his rack, he won’t give them back
'Cos he’s wonderful, wonderful, ‘cassionally
blunderful,
Ronnie Ray dressed as he comes!
… Now
if you’re slow and get there late,
There’ll be no parking by half past eight
But that won’t ruin your harbour view
‘Cos the Houghtons’ roof’s like the QE2!
Sweep up the stairs with hubby in-tow,
Wave at the poor old plebs below!
Have another drink while it’s Rob & Jodie’s shout
You can’t drink-drive when there’s no way out
Where are you
going tonight, Mrs Nicholson,
After the computers all crash?
If the lights go out, while you’re out and about
You might as well be at this bash!
So drink like a fish and dance like a groom
And eat like a gastronome.
Tomorrow there’s no power,
So take a cold shower
When you’ve walked the long way home, home
You’ve partied at the Houghtons’ home!
"The Life of
Brian" (50th Birthday), Bellevue
Hill, Christmas Eve 1999
Obsessive,
opinionated ex-South African, London-based barrister - whose
favourite word is "Rubbish!"
(To the tune of Good
King Wenceslas)
Holding court on any
theme, Brian is in heaven
He last admitted he was wrong in 1967
In the Southern Hemisphere, everything’s a failure
"Aussies are a bunch of crooks, cultureless Australia!"
(To The
First Noel)
The first
"Rubbish!" that Brian did say, was to all the
doom-sayers of Y2K
The second "Rubbish!" he saved for the Greens, warning
of salinations in rivers and streams
The third "Rubbish" of our dear Brian’s taunts,
was to ignorant chefs in restaurants
He told them to consult recipes on the shelf or he’d stake
out their kitchens and cook it himself!
"Rubbish! Rubbish! Rubbish! Rubbish! That’s not the way
to cook a fish!"
"Tales of
Hoffman"
Combined 50th Birthdays, Ritz Carlton
Hotel
Mysterious
investment whiz who only gets out of his PJs to put on tennis
gear
… and his artist and social butterfly wife!
(To
Offenbach’s Barcarolle)
Tales of
Hoffman, please don’t nod off, man:
Hell of a tale to share!
We could have dressed proper-er, like in the opera
But we chose sporting wear!
Cec looks formal: That’s not normal…
Mostly he’s in shorts.
That’s because his usual posi’s
On the tennis courts!
While Norma’s on the phone, living life to the max
He spends his days at home, making millions by fax!
What does he do? Behind that door?
What does he do? No-one’s quite sure? Ahhh!
Nessun Dorma, Cec and Norma, none shall sleep tonight!
We’re going to roast yer, musically toast yer,
Give you an awful fright…
Though we’re here at the Ritz, we will give you the…
hits!
‘Cos the secret is out: it’s your birthdays!
50th
Birthday Cruise on The Bounty
Sailing
enthusiast, accountant and bon viveur!
(To the tune of Botany
Bay)
… Then a few
years as partner at Greenwoods,
But he soon knew he’d rather be free
So he now calls himself a ‘consultant’...
Which is code-word for raising your fee!
... Yes our Alistair works like a Trojan
And his social life sometimes gets missed
So let’s enjoy tonight’s hospitality:
He’s treating, so let’s all get…. pleasantly tipsy
Singing Al Al Al Al Al Al Alistair! Singing Mab Mab Mab Mab Mab
Mabutt!
Some say that accountants are boring... but Alistair Mabbut is
not!