COMIC ROASTS - Corporate

What we’ve said sung about them…

(Note: On legal advice, names have been changed... to protect the guilty!)

(To the tune of Mame)
You coax the boomers out of their cots… Harry!
You charms the vendors out of their squats… Harry!
You’ve got those agents hovering,
Champing at the bit to sell your flats,
The whole of Sydney’s grovelling,
Writing ‘Welcome Harry’ on their mats!

(To "Freedom" from Shenandoah)
Meriton’s in Surry Hills and Miranda,
St Leonards, Parramatta, Marsfield, Ryde
Meriton’s got pools and gyms and verandas
Meriton looks great… from inside!
Meritonia! Meritonia! Meriton’s a state within Australia
Meriton is plain, no paraphernalia
Meriton’s a State… of Mind!

Meriton Apartments Client/Staff Christmas Party,
Sydney Convention Centre, Darling Harbour

 

 

Harry Triguboff, MD of Meriton Apartments, with David and Geoff at Meriton’s Staff, Client and Media Christmas Party

"Friends, Caromans… lend me your rears!"
(To the tune of "Maria" from West Side Story)
The most beautiful sound I ever heard: CAROMA!
The sweet smell of success all wrapped up in a single word’s... aroma
CAROMA! I've just used a lav by CAROMA.
And since I saw that loo, it's all that I can do to breathe!
CAROMA! I think I'll slip into a coma...
...More a work of art than a toilet,
So it’s kind of a pity to soil it… CAROMA!

Comic Roasts' Flush with Success Christmas Cruise for Caroma

(To the tune of O Tannenbaum)
We’re Deutsche Bank, We’re Deutsche Bank
Aggressive with our Trading
From Austria to Australia
Our history’s invading!
We go for gold and then give thanks
That we’re ‘Bain’ of other banks
Don’t dwell too much on history
And please don’t mention AMP!

Deutsche Bank Conference Dinner, Fairmont Resort, Leura

(To the tune of Edelweiss)
Meadow Lea, Meadow Lea,
Marketing Revolutions…
‘Fresh New Themes’, Teams of Teams,
Making ‘meal solutions’!
Oiling the wheels of industry; it’s time we were re-rated...
Heavenly Meadow Lea: We ought to be congratulated!

Meadow Lea Management Conference, Curzon Hall, Sydney

(To Don’t you make my brown eyes blue)
Ben’s a team-man, a super seller
He even goes ‘guinea pig’ for Wella!
Uses hair colours too!
Just don’t you call his brown hair blue…
There’s much more time, now he’s retiring
For hours in the mirror, just spent admiring
Ben stars in "Dye Hard Two"
Just don’t you call his brown hair…
(There’s a nice new mound there!)
Don’t you call his brown hair blue!

Wella Australia Managing Director's Retirement Roast

(To the tune of "Botany Bay")
There’s blokes with corrupted hard-disks
Like Peter & Nigel the Scot
But it’s Wozza who’s given us latitude
To put each of you on the spot.
Some say that these blokes lack intensity
Or allege that they’re old and fat
But it’s just that their format’s high-density,
And their batteries have all gone flat!

Inchcape Nashua Ricoh Gestetner Sales Conference dinner

(To the tune of Mona Lisa)
Laurie Macklin, Laurie Macklin you’re a wonder
Half your job's ridiculous and half's sublime…
Freelance import-export expert from Down Under
Doing odd-jobs for the airline…in spare time!
Is it galling hauling cargo, Laurie Macklin?
Or is caviar and salmon more your line?
Many GMs have told of their hunches
That you like to… take long lunches!
Are you done? Was it fun, Laurie Macklin
Bumping passengers for crates full of red wine?!

Cargo Manager Retirement Roast, KLM Royal Dutch Airlines

(To the tune of Botany Bay)
Farewell to your quiet locality
So long to suburban decay
Goodbye to your virgin serenity
We’ll ANKA in Homebush Bay
With townhouses homes and apartments
And parklands to take away breath
All Sydney will soon be saying:
Give me LIBERTY or give me death!"

Liberty Grove Development launch - ANKA Management

(To the tune of Aeroplane Jelly)
I've got a song that won't take very long
With a chorus you'll find to your liking:
It's a song about steel... and a plant on a hill...
And like BHP workers... it's striking!
.... We like South'n Queensland Steel
South'n Queensland Steel for us!

Southern Queensland Steel Plant Opening - Wacol, Brisbane

(To My Way)
He missed a client or two and some have cost a pretty penny.
He’s got his new WAP phone and as he heads down Princes HighwayHe’ll email his old staff “I did it my way!”For who is this man? What has he got?
If you count options, he’s got the lot!
And he was big… larger than life
But now we’re returning him to his wife!
Lisa’s in tears, but the new MD Bob cheers…!
As we say “Bye Ray!”

(To the Gendarmes’ Duet)
Australia’s Biggest Re-insurer, we are the mighty Benfield Greig!
We like market with bravura, and then we charge an arm and leg!
But when we hear how Wallace cuts its rates or ARN steps on our toes…
We kick their arse! We break their leg!
We are the mighty Benfield Greig!

Benfield Greig Reinsurance (Aust) Retirement Roast for Managing Director